Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
