K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
