2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
