Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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