Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
