i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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