Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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