I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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