I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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