I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
