i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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