I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
