Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
