what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
