my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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