the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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