I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
