The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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