Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
