Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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