I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
