Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
