Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
