The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
