did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
