Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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