I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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