Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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