I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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