My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You can't motorboat a personality
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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