Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Where is the hickey?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
