She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
