Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
