Christians are straight up FREAKS
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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