but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You pole danced in your parka.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
