Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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