Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
