I think I am morally bankrupt
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
