that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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