This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
