I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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