my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
