I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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