Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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