Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
