you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
