Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
