I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
