When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
