Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to have your abortion
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
