just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
