I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
