did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
