Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Quick, to the slutcave!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
