Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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