covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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