Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
