so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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