you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I supernannyed him into submission
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
