Nicole vs. Life
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
accomplished twins. life is a go
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
