Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
