How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
