I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
