Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
