hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want a musical about memes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
