I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
