Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
