How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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